John Crudele: What would happen if I got a crack at Hank

By John Crudele
New York Post
Tuesday, August 28, 2007

http://www.nypost.com/seven/08282007/business/what_would_happen_if_i_get...

Hank Paulson won't let me interview him about the Plunge Protection Team but "thanks for the request," says a spokeswoman for the Treasury Department.

Hey, I expected as much.

Paulson, the former head of Wall Street biggie Goldman Sachs who's now secretary of the Treasury, seems a little sensitive about the team, which is officially known as the President's Working Group on Financial Markets.

Paulson has mentioned several times in recent weeks that the working group has been revitalized and is moving diligently on the market crises that this country is experiencing.

Trouble is, he never says what the working group is doing. And, to my astonishment, none of the interviewers who have been blessed by his presence ever asks.

Well, I'd ask. And this is how my interview with Paulson might go if the treasury secretary had the guts to face the questions.

Me: Nice tie!

Paulson: Here, you can have it.

Me: No, that's OK. I'd just like some answers.

Paulson: I'd rather you take the tie.

Me: (I take the tie.) The other day you were talking with CNBC's Steve Leisman and you looked nervous.

Paulson: Who?

Me: Leisman, of CNBC. You told CNBC, and I quote, "We've re-energized the President's Working Group on Financial Markets. I think it's my job to talk regularly to market participants. ..."

Paulson: I said that?

Me: Yeah, you said you regularly talk with market participants. Does that mean you'll call up Goldman Sachs, Merrill Lynch, and Lehman Brothers?

Paulson: Did I mention that the economy is healthy?

Me. Hank, stay on the subject.

Paulson: (He nods and looks nervously around the room for a quick escape route.)

Me: What do you talk to them -- these market participants -- about?

Paulson: Can't say.

Me: Do you recommend that they do anything in the market? Say, maybe that they should buy bonds or stocks? Give the president's working group a little hand, maybe. (I smile devilishly.)

Paulson: The president's working group is working diligently. ...

Me: No, no! Hank, answer my question. When you "talk regularly" with "market participants" -- and those are your words, I remind you -- do you recommend that they take any action in the market?

Paulson: Those conversations are private. And I make them from my cell phone, so you'll never know.

Me: Hank, you are being evasive. And you looked quite nervous when you mentioned it to Leisman.

Paulson: Can I have my tie back?

Me: Let me hold it for a while. And give me your shoelaces too so we don't have any accidents.

Paulson: I'd like one of those interviewers from CNBC, please.

Me: No, you have me. And answer my question. The President's Working Group is nicknamed the Plunge Protection Team, and George Stephanopoulus and others have suggested that it intervenes when the stock market is in trouble. Has that ever happened while you've been treasury secretary?

Paulson: Did I mention that the economy is doing really swell?

Me: Yes, I think you did. What about my question?

Paulson: You know it's my job to make sure the markets function properly. If I were to do what you are accusing me of doing. ...

Me: No, Hank, I'm not accusing you of anything. I just want to know if you have any purpose when you phone "market participants," as you call them. Do you give them instructions? Share information? Or do you just ask about the wife and kids and leave it at that?

Paulson: Mostly barbeque plans and such. Ya know, regular guy stuff.

Me: Ah, I see. Let me ask you this. Me and the Post have requested information from the Treasury about specific meetings of the Plunge Protection Team. ...

Paulson: Please call it The President's Working Group.

Me: All right, the President's Working Team. The Post has asked for the minutes and e-mails of the team for very specific days -- days you and your "market participant" friends might have talked. Are you ever going to cough them up?

Paulson: You gonna keep asking?

Me: Well, yes.

Paulson: Well, then. We'll keep ignoring you. You're not going to find anything there anyway. Do you think I'm stupid enough to record my phone calls?

Me: Oh, the calls about barbeques and such?

Paulson: Yeah, barbeques. And, you know, other things.

* * *

On Thursday I'll make Hank Paulson cry as my imaginary interview continues over what the treasury secretary and his Plunge Protectors are up to and more. Hey, gotta fill this space, and I had been counting on an interview.

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